This lowers to just once a week at the three-year mark and none at all at five years. In studies, new couples reported complimenting each other approximately three times a week. Surprisingly, the key to getting past the three-year itch appears to lie in compliments and self care. In many ways it is, but it may be a fair question to ask yourself what have you done for your relationship lately to ignite the fire. They believe love is something that is hot and passionate. There are many people who have ended relationships because the spark has disappeared. Your partner may not necessarily be bored of you but rather the routine that has become your relationship. As much as human nature seeks to adapt to an optimal level of predictability in our daily lives, too much of it can lead to under stimulation and boredom. We habituate to the routines of day-to-day life and assume a sense of predictability. We may feel it but many of us are hesitant to admit that after being in an intimate relationship with someone for a while a sense of boredom may slip in. And people are simply being stimulated at a higher and more intense rate than in the past. That's not shocking considering the increase in social networking online. The cause of your “itch” could be external – maybe it’s other things in your life that you’re tired of that you’re projecting onto or blaming on your marriage – for example, your job – or perhaps even undiscovered health issues.Remember when everyone referred to relationship boredom as the seven-year itch? Recent research has shown that couples are reporting relationship boredom at approximately the three-year mark.Most important is transparency and constant communication, whether it’s mundane chitchat or serious talk about deep issues. Thinking about and changing little things like that can make a huge difference.Īlso having been together for a long time doesn’t mean a zero-effort relationship – in fact, that kind of thinking is a fatal mistake that leads to an insidious breakdown. On the other hand, maybe some things have changed that shouldn’t have, for example no longer kissing each other goodbye when leaving for work or beginning to argue about petty things. Just because things aren’t exactly the same or as passionate as from the beginning of the relationship doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad thing – it’s only natural that it progresses from dizzy-headed excitement to a more mellow sense of companionship, and it’s possible to misconstrue this as fading of love when it is anything but – think of the years’ worth of precious memories and time spent together that can never be replaced with anything else.If you literally cannot find a single thing you’re thankful for, then something is not right and you need to talk about it. Each time you notice something on the list, make it known that you appreciate it and that you don’t take it for granted. always willing to listen to your problems even when tired. Make a list of things that you are thankful for about your spouse, e.g.For every disagreement or negative interaction, consciously try to make up for it with several more positive interactions – they add up over time and will be worth it in the long run.On a related note, don’t think of seeing a therapist as a bad thing – it actually confirms that you care about the relationship and are willing to work on it. Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell in the film “The Seven Year Itch” Of course, any major problems should be worked on (it’s a horrible idea to ignore such things and hope they will go away or resolve themselves over time), but all is not lost just because of a few small ones.
It is critical to understand and accept that every relationship has flaws, including your own.Activities involving other couples are especially great because there are more things you’ll be able to relate with.Īnd while this may seem contradictory, making sure you each also have sufficient “alone time” is also important. Make new and exciting long-term plans for the future and begin a journey towards it rather than thinking that the current state is your destination.ĭo you have separate hobbies that you’ve never tried together before? You should try out each others’ pastimes (or even something you’ve both never tried, as long as you do it together), for example join your wife’s next yoga class or your husband’s next fishing trip – you never know just how much you’ll end up liking it and you’ll spend more time doing things together. Create a fresh new start together, both mentally and practically.
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